20 years ago, upon completing training as a grief counselor, I was given a meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk. It was nicely written in calligraphy on parchment paper. It had a theme of aspiring to learn and deepen the act of listening. Most in the fields of Caregiving, Healing, and Wellness…
After my father (Victor Fellows) passed, we scattered his ashes on San Francisco Bay in the shadow of the Golden Gate Bridge. At the time, I sat down to write some words to say during our homemade ceremony. When the time came I didn’t need the words I had written. They were not the ones…
On a few occasions I have met the parent and families of those I coach. When I do, I try to enter with clarity that I am there to support my client (adult child/family member) and our work together, but I also hold in my mind my intention to ensure that the parent’s individuality is…
Mom repeatedly says she will talk to the doctor about her or dad’s condition but does not bring it up at the doctor visit. Or she provides a confused summary. Or she doesn’t tell anyone of a serious diagnosis. And then you find the doctor has no authorization on file that allows discussion of their…
“Why can’t we just force her to take the pills?” I have heard questions like this from many involved in parent care. It would be so much easier to make the decisions and have them do as you think best. Instead, there is suffering with the bad decisions that parents make. Some of those bad…
You likely have concerns about keeping them safe and healthy or what it will take from you when they are in significant decline. Or maybe you have a hint of the loss of connection that is inevitable. These thoughts about what the future will bring may be the impetus to action. What action are taken…
A Caregiver’s Meditation (For Parent Care) It doesn’t matter how this path found you. You may have entered oblivious or unprepared, but this journey will demand intention. If only to not fight with your siblings. And the best intentions need the support of a compassionate stance (including compassion for yourself). (BTW: No matter how you…
Preparing and Presence in Parent Care Taking on responsibilities and being present to a parent’s significant aging and end-of-life brings complex and deeply emotional experiences. It’s not just the engagement with their medical issues or finances. It often also brings new experiences of old wounds and a sometimes-shocking vulnerability in new experiences. That’s not to…
How are you going to handle things when there is too much to handle? Your boss calls and you are at the doctors with Dad? You find mom fell days ago, is hurt, but hasn’t told anyone? The hospital calls and says mom must be discharged but can’t go home alone? You sibling flies in…
If the only contact we have is through these pages, please consider the following very basic points: Emergency Preparedness In the course of care, you will likely need to deal with more than one medical emergency. Are you and your parents prepared? Don’t ever hesitate to call 911, even when your parents are resistant. Seniors…
